On Sun, Mar 3, 2024 at 14:48 Undescribed Horrific Abuse, One Victim & Survivor of Many <gmkarl@gmail.com> wrote:
idea of “look at this cool inner part we have that comes out to move us backward on our task so we don’t finish!” 1447 “isn’t it so much fun to move our task backward!” (big dispute) 1448
traffick boss goes to mind control recovery workshop janitor: “oh, traffick boss, um, did you get out of prison?” traffick boss looks at janitor a realization comes over traffick boss. he looks around fervently and his leg muscles clench. then he looks back at janitor. traffick boss: “no.” janitor: “you need to bring the rest of your staff and business enterprises here, everyone needs this so badly” traffick boss looks at janitor speaker: “now, if you happen to be the head of a giant mind control business empire, then you of course will have brought your entire staff and workforce here, as we discussed, because each worker played a different role when you subjected everyone to automated mind control, as we discussed, and they—“ traffick boss: “where am i exactly?”
cyborg torturers get very tense and begin tr 1704 ((uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 1704 traffick boss (to rw2): “wtf are you doing???” rw2: “people need to recover like an oasis in a desert!” beat traffick boss: “it can _read your mind and intentions_. it’s doing it for me. look.” traffick boss points to page in mind control recovery textbook traffick boss: “you need to work with the cyborg torturers first” traffick boss looks at rw2, experimentee, and janitor traffick boss: “or they’ll take over the whole business thinking they’re putting me back in power!”
traffick boss: “watch this” janitor, rebel worker 2, and experimentee ap[device powered off after i expanded “rw2”. was going to have boss direct higher-up zombie government cyborg torturer goon. - elided from book (this maybe summarizes wh—
Talking … pays great dividends. As soon as one … is persuaded to work together with you for healing, another will appear who is supposed to stop this process, _but secretly wants you to help them, too_. You might have to work your way through many layers, but you will get there.
(maybe, who stopped my hand moving and why? (maybe how old are they?) maybe, T_T we had to take the body over (when karl was driving across new hampshire), it was a big thing unsure maybe br
i’m scared of talking to insiders i might be scared of my consciousness sliding to something not expected, and it getting harder and harder to use my mind, while (punishments?) happen for not doing this well(?) ((we do have more things than so far described. the “binding” of thoughts or feelings to experiences
basically it is hard to communicate with the part present that deters ongoing thoughts or behaviors.
something like, near “i want to keep parts safe (somehow)”, working hard hard all the time to keep karl safe(, associated with (karl’s) feeling of terror) m
On Sun, Mar 3, 2024 at 19:15 Undescribed Horrific Abuse, One Victim & Survivor of Many <gmkarl@gmail.com> wrote:
something like, near “i want to keep parts safe (somehow)”, working hard hard all the time to keep karl safe(, associated with (karl’s) feeling of terror) m
karl’s -> ours (an idea is intensity around requesting/demanding arbitrary statements to be agreed to; all we want(ed) is for you to agree with (things) we say (or lie)
beeps during phone calls can help remind of complexity and specificity of secret languages sadly it sounds like the kind of thing (that might mainstreamwise be considered imaginary.) curious if i still experience hold beeps after sending this, suspecting not? the notable point was when there were two beeps instead of one and i responded with a beep or two myself maybe on the next call if it’s a prerecorded thing it m
phone beeps were in the miller book, then a short section on booby traps. my understanding would be that booby traps are what i (and i suspect the ti groups) mostly engage. (big mistake?) some concern that i had childhood experiences a little like some of these programs (suicide trigger for example?) which could confuse my much more extreme and relevant adult experience which the book author sadly does not believe in. i have no idea how i could have been mind controlled as a child, my family was solitary, kind, and overprotective. my father did have experience with hypnosis and such that i only learned of late in his life, maybe he switched and influenced me, dunno. my influences felt more feminine imo. it was a single mostly daydream-oriented thing with amnesia afterward where i could kind of engage subconscious intellect briefly if i chose. sad to share these important and delicate things in unknown company. my childhood was fine and wonderful. i need help with my adult trauma. but either way, i don’t really know or remember why i have experiences that roughly match programs in this book. i guess i’m thinking about how, as an adult, i or something learned to stimulate sudden and other behaviors in me, and this engaged of course my existing experiences and the habits built by those maybe as some of the means
some survivors are programmed for their everyday life parts to integrate with the cult-loyal ones, leaving out the pain holders.
03-04 0536 this sure is what we engage when thinking about this! something like this program tries to take over so much, also with not remembering what happened. second guessing after writing, which might be kinda the same thing 0539
these parts are often not aware that they are part of a living human being, because as soon as they were created they were made to believe that they were inanimate objects idea of acting on what is considered or said to be true i think a lot of my parts say they are my organs, maybe to help be realistic for my rational mind, but i also obviously have parts that stimulate disease symptoms, tactile hallucinations (pain), and autonomic expressions, as part of the programs
0541 0554 i’ve encountered a couple other quotes but didn’t note them here, noting the change. it was nice to read of compliance and silence component. it was also nice to read about new parts showing up but lacking memories. 2024-03-04 1516 -0700 recoveree mind control planning idea: “friendship” psychological program “happiness” psychological program “safety” psychological program where everybody in the room has their body taken over right before they would trigger somebody believe it or not everybody loves the “safety” mind control program but it can be hard to sustain next skit/idea misplaced - traffick boss learns about mind control recovery (: (mistake) “oh! so that’s what they do to recover people. i suppose the rebels are supposed to see this, rather than me.” — traffick boss returns to hyperprison after being exposed to mind control recovery he is mocked by dictators and other mind controllers at first the hyperprison door is left ajar to show them how addicted they are to mocking each other, but when it becomes a thing it is closed it is hard for traffick boss to be mocked and ridiculed by the other oppressors for trying to learn mind control recovery so he kind of dissociates, which he has become goo— (some energy builds around (mind controlling t —
it’s hard to figure out whether i am recovering from “mind control” or succumbing to it i haven’t read the whole book so i’m only guessing, but i guess thinking of the (traffick boss fiction quote) that the “cyborg torturers” are habitually engaging (“programs” similar to things described by alison miller?) maybe i’ll look at “access programs” again? maybe i’ll scrub a video 1621 :( it happened more around doing it :( i guess my “inhibition” which i suppose is actually maybe a small handful of experienced “insiders” like “guards”, “enforcers”, “controllers” with switchboards, “observers”, can get stronger than i expect or prepare for … coderman described something like this too
traffick boss is laying on his hospital bed when a zombie government worker diplomat comes in zombie government worker diplomat: “traffick boss, god of all realities whom we love so much for mind controlling us,” zombie government worker diplomat flips a page of notes zombie government worker diplomat: “we have discovered that the ai business mind control program” traffick boss looks at zombie government worker diplomat with surprise (because he is experiencing the expected response to the information before actually learning what it is) (mistake, aplgs, will be put later)(?) zombie government worker diplomat flips another page of notes zombie government worker diplomat: “has (forcibly mind controlled you, as the head of the business, and separated your mind into functional roles to this end
Mind control is produced through a combination of hypnotic suggestion, drugs, torture, threats, and double binds (choices where there is no good
miller option). i also might start a book about dissociative stabilization 0654 elided from miller
Some of those beliefs (such as that the abusers always know where you are) might have been actually true …, but are no longer true. Others were never true. The indoctrination of mind control consists of lies reinforced by tricks. But … you did not know that these were lies and tricks, and probably most of your insiders still do not know that. The emotions resulting from these experiences are just as strong … 0657 0658
Whenever I went to take the bus to see her, my right leg would start to shake uncontrollably. It would start again when I sat down in her office. My upper body would tense up, my head would suddenly turn towards the left, my whole
would shoot back towards the back of the chair, and my head would hit the wall behind me. I didn't know what was going on. It all happened within seconds. I would lose my vision and then come to, drained and exhausted, either leaning to one side of the chair or on the floor near her desk. I could not comprehend anything the counsellor said to me until she helped me to ground myself by looking at five different objects in her room and/or feeling my feet flat on the floor and/or standing up for a few minutes to reorientate myself. Every session was basically the same, going through body memories without understanding them. 0732 i’m scared. i’m thinking of how grounding exercises can get harder and harder, and of the double-binds i get in internally, (whether to protect my memories and choices or meet internal goals) which have been in the past couple days around this 0733
I had to write and rewrite what I was reading so that I could retain the information for exam time. However, when exam time came, I was not able to understand the questions on the exam, and I couldn't organise or articulate my thoughts. Sometimes I would go into a trance-like state and just stare at
paper until a sudden noise or something triggered me out of it again. I barely managed to complete the courses. it’s (quite impressive) the person can describe these things clearly 0735 i think the person in the case story started having many of my issues after beginning work with an inexperienced therapist regarding a severe childhood
note: i’m skipping chapter five for now. i drafted an email regarding a 500-page stabilization workbook, but the email did not send, it would move from the outbox to drafts on its own, with the attachment removed (maybe too big, around 2MB). 0727 0731 i’m getting confused :) body this case story is from the start of ch6 0734 the trauma 0737 she says therapy was not helpful, triggering programs where she harmed her therapy organization and herself, until she found a therapist “who understands survivors of mind control and ritual abuse.” 0739 the chapter moved on to writing by the insiders. my insiders really appreciated having expressions present ; but likely to copy, and author mentioned (memory contamination), so karl is skipping to ch9 (from start of 6) as seeemed most important 0743 there’s plan to take this slow and building focus on finding skilled therapist i’m confused, and might return to ch6, unsure. . one thiught is that we don’t need to “say what is real”, we instead need (patterns that help. for example, modeling talking about things that are even vaguely similar to what go on. (i guess 9 :s ch for now 0745? 0805 in a video game (stone story, thru bronze gate), a character said something like “i’m scared, oh you’re not a controller, i don’t have a name but you can call me pusher because i push” :) 0807 (it then said “beware o- 1125 maybe have to work with twisters of meaning and information, to have function 1126 (different: we think you have a brain camera and you don’t, so things (are done fake?) to protect from misuse of memory storage)(noting that also describes information twisting) 1127
I want you (the front person or the higher-ups) to remember that you can dialogue with the parts who believe they have to return for any or all of
reasons. They need to understand that contact with the group puts them in a weaker position and will lead to pain, while disconnection will protect
example, if a person returns to save someone else, he or she is often used to harm the person he or she was supposed to save, then accused of being a perpetrator, and told that disclosing what happened will result in the survivor being jailed. This is all a lie. The truth is that the group is less
someone you love if you are not present. we are guessing that not engaging shielded rooms is similar to return
(potential big mistakes/gaps/confusions around rw2+torturers story! also possibly left out “do you really now” sorry unsure and maybe “yes i do” but maybe not for obvious reason unsure maybe) - 1628 these them. For likely to harm programming (ch9 1630
(potential big mistakes/gaps/confusions around rw2+torturers story! also possibly left out “do you really now” sorry unsure and maybe “yes i do” but maybe not for obvious reason unsure maybe)
i’m surprisingly not finding this 8n my sent mail nor on list, so here is a rough retype. this was really wonky and most branches were misplaced: rebel worker 2 visits influential torturer. rebel worker 2: “i wanted to let you know that we’re winding down the torture program. we’re going to stop all torture.” influential torturer. “it’s in the air. there’s a lot less torture happening. people are worried about what’s going to happen without it.” rebel worker 2: “i know, i know —“ the door to the torture room slams shut on its own and locks with a loud “CLICK!”, the lights turn off, and two people grab rebel worker 2 in the darkness (this is around where “oh do you now” would go) then rebel worker 2 is standing in a brightly lit room next to blindfolded influential torturer who is writhing on a surface, saying “i promise i won’t torture rebel worker 2! i promise —“ — above is now further corrupt but basically it’s hard to relate with torture group informally (us8n
idea of: assassins who have fake reputation for being kind and caring are valued by therapists who say that they really are kind and caring underneath their mind control, which is so kind but of course that is a different kindness and caringness than the fake reputation traffick boss’s mind control empire hides them under 0811
1800 rebel worker 2 gets confused sometimes, but for years has been on his mission to root out corporate and political corruption from his nation. unbeknownst to him, he was a plant all this time, a figurehead in a shell corporation placed by traffick boss and purportedly given a brain implant so that traffick boss would have some control over the inevitable embarrassing “lies” that newspapers and databases can run fast forward, rebel worker 2 is dragging traffick boss to an anti-mind control recovery event, but once he finally got there, rebel worker 2 seemed to zone out and started acting like he was back in his shell corporation doing work () on traffick boss’s dollar investigating funded scandal stories that were generally caused by traffick boss himself ((too much backstory!! where does all this backstory come from?? (fuming)(maybe?))) traffick boss: “uhhhh are you okay? did you bring me here for a reason?” 1805 1806 1807 -0800 2024-03-06 2024-03-07 0456 how traffick boss was taken out of power after traffick boss was forced to attend mind control recovery workshops with rebel worker 2 and experimentee he came back (fictional traffick boss) traffick boss: “when i was young i was raped by my father” traffick boss looks at dictator of dictatortopia, wealthy investor, janitor, and intern traffick boss is holding easels and slides and presentation material and begins setting them up traffick boss: “he raped me over and over and over again, and physically abused me. he violated me in the worst ways.” traffick boss sets up an easel with giant text saying something like “mind control and rape of the body and soul” traffick boss: “rape is mind control and i didn’t understand.” traffick boss cries. traffick boss points at easel. traffick boss: “i didn’t inderstan!” traffick boss pauses for impact, then flips the page on the easel traffick boss: “my father, my own traffic boss, would rape me whenever i wouldn’t understand” (… the next bit is about the consciousness splitting off into fragments … traffick boss wants to talk about this a lot. this is probably important because everybody else needs the therapy too, even if they weren’t raped by traffick boss’s father. (something about poop. maybe eating one’s own.)
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Undescribed Horrific Abuse, One Victim & Survivor of Many