[i should have done the queen’s side castle because it traps their queen, when i instead moved the queen and my finger slipped with dissociation. i wasn’t aware of this, and they didn’t defend against it sufficiently when my slip gave them the opportunity to. rather, i then responded to their attempt to push my knight by pressing the queen to protect the knight. —the finger slip stimulated a situation that revealed why not to move my queen where i was planning to.]
On Mon, Dec 11, 2023 at 16:52 Undescribed Horrific Abuse, One Victim & Survivor of Many <gmkarl@gmail.com> wrote:14/24On Mon, Dec 11, 2023 at 16:43 Undescribed Horrific Abuse, One Victim & Survivor of Many <gmkarl@gmail.com> wrote:this is a chess game where i won against someone of much higher rating than me:
[Site "https://chess.org/play/cf645a4f-4446-4a83-b2fd-919727966f32"] [Event "Chess"]
[Variant "Standard"]
[Round "1"]
[Date "2023.12.11"]
[TimeControl "2m +2s"]
[White "RaZacek"]
[Black "baffo32_lo"]
[WhiteElo "1686"]
[BlackElo "1370"]
[Result "0-1"]
1. d4 e5 2. dxe5 d6 3. exd6 Bxd6 4. Nf3 Nc6 5. Nc3 Bf5 6. e4 Qe7 7. Bd3 Nb4 8. O-O Bg4 9. Be2 Qe6 10. a3 O-O-O 11. Qe1 Nxc2 0-1
chess is now a scarred mental battlefield for me. i’ve spent time playing chess puzzles and my otherness has spent time stimulating failures in me despite this. a lot of time on both of these! my rating has dropped on average in p2p and risen in the puzzles some i’d suspect.
i totally smashed this game! partly luck, partly skill. i thought i might consider reviewing it a little.
13/24 1413
# apk add gnuchess
1418 the apk add command ended up being a little more complicated, involving ish crashing repeatedly, anyway
1444
how do i do fixed width font in gmail ipad app, or how else do i access email?
1446
maybe i’ll go on website1504yayy fixed widthback to responsive app?15051506yayy fixed width in app. less responsive though.1509echo -e 'e4\nquit' | gnuchess -q --manual --graphic | tac | sed 's/ /. /g'[note the board is mirrored from tac, a usual board would have the king and queen swapped]♖ ♘ ♗ ♕ ♔ ♗ ♘ ♖♙ ♙ ♙ . ♙ ♙ ♙ ♙. . . . . . . .. . . ♙ . . . .. . . . . . . .. . . . . . . .♟ ♟ ♟ ♟ ♟ ♟ ♟ ♟♜ ♞ ♝ ♛ ♚ ♝ ♞ ♜i was black. white opened with their queen’s pawn. i usually use a well-known midgrade opening i forget the name of that i learned at a summer camp.noting: since they opened with their queen’s pawn, i get to free my bishop and queen, as well as optionally pin a piece on their kingpawn forward 2♖ ♘ ♗ ♕ ♔ ♗ ♘ ♖♙ ♙ ♙ . ♙ ♙ ♙ ♙. . . . . . . .. . . ♙ . . . .. . . . ♟ . . .. . . . . . . .♟ ♟ ♟ ♟ . ♟ ♟ ♟♜ ♞ ♝ ♛ ♚ ♝ ♞ ♜pawn takes pawn♖ ♘ ♗ ♕ ♔ ♗ ♘ ♖♙ ♙ ♙ . ♙ ♙ ♙ ♙. . . . . . . .. . . . . . . .. . . . ♙ . . .. . . . . . . .♟ ♟ ♟ ♟ . ♟ ♟ ♟♜ ♞ ♝ ♛ ♚ ♝ ♞ ♜pawn forward 1♖ ♘ ♗ ♕ ♔ ♗ ♘ ♖♙ ♙ ♙ . ♙ ♙ ♙ ♙. . . . . . . .. . . . . . . .. . . . ♙ . . .. . . ♟ . . . .♟ ♟ ♟ . . ♟ ♟ ♟♜ ♞ ♝ ♛ ♚ ♝ ♞ ♜pawn takes pawn♖ ♘ ♗ ♕ ♔ ♗ ♘ ♖♙ ♙ ♙ . ♙ ♙ ♙ ♙. . . . . . . .. . . . . . . .. . . . . . . .. . . ♙ . . . .♟ ♟ ♟ . . ♟ ♟ ♟♜ ♞ ♝ ♛ ♚ ♝ ♞ ♜bishop takes pawnthis theoretically exchanges position in my benefit for pieces in theirs; i spend my years trying to figure out how the heck to take advantage of it. one of the last exchanges i had regarding this at that summer camp was something like “why does this opening never work against you (the person who taught it to me)” “because you never make use of it, karl”♖ ♘ ♗ ♕ ♔ ♗ ♘ ♖♙ ♙ ♙ . ♙ ♙ ♙ ♙. . . . . . . .. . . . . . . .. . . . . . . .. . . ♝ . . . .♟ ♟ ♟ . . ♟ ♟ ♟♜ ♞ ♝ ♛ ♚ . ♞ ♜white next brought their king’s knight out. (i wonder what they were planning or thinking. it could have been a habit to threaten or guard a missing pawn in the middle.)♖ ♘ ♗ ♕ ♔ ♗ . ♖♙ ♙ ♙ . ♙ ♙ ♙ ♙. . . . . ♘ . .. . . . . . . .. . . . . . . .. . . ♝ . . . .♟ ♟ ♟ . . ♟ ♟ ♟♜ ♞ ♝ ♛ ♚ . ♞ ♜maybe they were erring in the side of threatening spaces my advanced bishop could otherwise make use of.i brought out the opposing knight on my queen’s side. this threatens the same central spaces their knight does, and also moves toward the more difficult queen’s-side castle. i’m not sure what specifically my reasoning was, but i’ve been exploring different things.♖ ♘ ♗ ♕ ♔ ♗ . ♖♙ ♙ ♙ . ♙ ♙ ♙ ♙. . . . . ♘ . .. . . . . . . .. . . . . . . .. . ♞ ♝ . . . .♟ ♟ ♟ . . ♟ ♟ ♟♜ . ♝ ♛ ♚ . ♞ ♜something i’ve been thinking of here is - wellthey brought out their opposite knight, so maybe this is just how they like to open, or maybe it is some standard approach♖ . ♗ ♕ ♔ ♗ . ♖♙ ♙ ♙ . ♙ ♙ ♙ ♙. . ♘ . . ♘ . .. . . . . . . .. . . . . . . .. . ♞ ♝ . . . .♟ ♟ ♟ . . ♟ ♟ ♟♜ . ♝ ♛ ♚ . ♞ ♜i then brought out my bishop. likely i was thinking of controlling the board safely and moving toward opening that queen’s side castle♖ . ♗ ♕ ♔ ♗ . ♖♙ ♙ ♙ . ♙ ♙ ♙ ♙. . ♘ . . ♘ . .. . . . . . . .. . . . . ♝ . .. . ♞ ♝ . . . .♟ ♟ ♟ . . ♟ ♟ ♟♜ . . ♛ ♚ . ♞ ♜i think i move the second bishop out farther to maybe try to be more aggressive, remember that e-change at summer camp.*exchangewhen it’s on the other queen’s/king’s side it threatens a pawn that can be used for a checkmate, building what i’ve been calling initiative, giving the opponent fewer options and yourself morethey moved their pawn forward 2 to threaten my overadvanced bishop♖ . ♗ ♕ ♔ ♗ . ♖♙ ♙ ♙ . . ♙ ♙ ♙. . ♘ . . ♘ . .. . . . ♙ . . .. . . . . ♝ . .. . ♞ ♝ . . . .♟ ♟ ♟ . . ♟ ♟ ♟♜ . . ♛ ♚ . ♞ ♜and here’s where it started getting fancy, i moved my queen in front of my king (very dangerous!) to pin their pawn onto their king, so they couldn’t take the bishop, in an attempt to keep my positional and move investments.♖ . ♗ ♕ ♔ ♗ . ♖♙ ♙ ♙ . . ♙ ♙ ♙. . ♘ . . ♘ . .. . . . ♙ . . .. . . . . ♝ . .. . ♞ ♝ . . . .♟ ♟ ♟ . ♛ ♟ ♟ ♟♜ . . . ♚ . ♞ ♜i think once there are pins and things going on like this it starts taxing the players’ memories in competition, to remember all the concerns and dependencies.- they can’t use their pawn how they usually expect, so they have to put more cognition into things that involve it (it also pressure them to prioritize moving their king or engaging my queen to threaten my bishop again)- i lose my bishop if i move my queen; all the places it threatens aren’t actually threatened unless the value of moving there is more than a bishop, which i’m likely to not think of(i guess, maybe)i likely tried this from the puzzles experience. i’m pretty vulnerable here in my opinion, but i think the unexpectedness and memory loading can also help me win sometimes.the behavior is sadly a habit i have, where i try running a bigger risk to see if it pans out later, kind of a little. intended only for play, not serious situations.they moved out their other bishop to defend the pawn. i forgot i could take it. that’s likely why i risked the queen, cause it let me threaten putting them in check, maybe♖ . ♗ ♕ ♔ . . ♖♙ ♙ ♙ . . ♙ ♙ ♙. . ♘ ♗ . ♘ . .. . . . ♙ . . .. . . . . ♝ . .. . ♞ ♝ . . . .♟ ♟ ♟ . ♛ ♟ ♟ ♟♜ . . . ♚ . ♞ ♜oh no … they were already threatening the pawn with their knight. maybe they were disincentivizing me from pinning their knight on their king with my bishop?no, if i took the pawn with the bishop, and they took it with the knight, i think the queen could then take the knight, check, leaving me a pawn up with initiative. the bishop response deters this.i advanced my knight likely to threaten their bishop and the pawn by their queen, dunno, but both of which were also in line with my scared bishop, tensely relying on their king not moving which would unpin the pawn that could take it♖ . ♗ ♕ ♔ . . ♖♙ ♙ ♙ . . ♙ ♙ ♙. . ♘ ♗ . ♘ . .. ♞ . . ♙ . . .. . . . . ♝ . .. . . ♝ . . . .♟ ♟ ♟ . ♛ ♟ ♟ ♟♜ . . . ♚ . ♞ ♜noting my king is nicely freed by now to castle on the queen’s side too, and there aren’t any pawns between where my rook would land and their queen still is. maybe got more lucky in this game than skillful, unsure.[mistake][separately my memories of this game are worsened further from the mirroring]they castled on their king’s side, away from my advanced knight, threatening my bishop♖ . ♗ ♕ . ♖ ♔ .♙ ♙ ♙ . . ♙ ♙ ♙. . ♘ ♗ . ♘ . .. ♞ . . ♙ . . .. . . . . ♝ . .. . . ♝ . . . .♟ ♟ ♟ . ♛ ♟ ♟ ♟♜ . . . ♚ . ♞ ♜i moved my bishop to a temporarily safer advancement, pinning their knight on their queen.♖ . ♗ ♕ . ♖ ♔ .♙ ♙ ♙ . . ♙ ♙ ♙. . ♘ ♗ . ♘ . .. ♞ . . ♙ . ♝ .. . . . . . . .. . . ♝ . . . .♟ ♟ ♟ . ♛ ♟ ♟ ♟♜ . . . ♚ . ♞ ♜i might be thinking here that i need to collect pressure near their king to eventually checkmate them as well as build initiative, not sure. anyway it pins their knight which reduces their board control for one move at least i guess. often i have a habit of aggression in the hopes they get confused like me, maybe. people repeat what works.i recall i was pressuring their king.they retreated their bishop to unpin their knight♖ . ♗ ♕ . ♖ ♔ .♙ ♙ ♙ . ♗ ♙ ♙ ♙. . ♘ . . ♘ . .. ♞ . . ♙ . ♝ .. . . . . . . .. . . ♝ . . . .♟ ♟ ♟ . ♛ ♟ ♟ ♟♜ . . . ♚ . ♞ ♜i’m guessing this meant i still had the initiative i was seeking because they responded to my move without gaining much position.here i think my finger actually slipped, possibly dissociatively, and i moved the queen forward one when i wasn’t planning to.♖ . ♗ ♕ . ♖ ♔ .♙ ♙ ♙ . ♗ ♙ ♙ ♙. . ♘ . . ♘ . .. ♞ . . ♙ . ♝ .. . . . . . . .. . . ♝ ♛ . . .♟ ♟ ♟ . . ♟ ♟ ♟♜ . . . ♚ . ♞ ♜this guards the bishop. i think i would usually have moved it forward two to threaten (and advertise this to the opponent) the checkmate pawn diagonal from the king.this surprise left me unbalanced and i was looking for how to regain more advantage.it’s so nice to review something with a dissociated confusion (i.e. amnesia, [maybe it’s hard to store memories when you’re regaining footing]) in it! and we won! together! o_o :)they advanced their pawn 1 to threaten and push my knight to move.♖ . ♗ ♕ . ♖ ♔ .. ♙ ♙ . ♗ ♙ ♙ ♙♙ . ♘ . . ♘ . .. ♞ . . ♙ . ♝ .. . . . . . . .. . . ♝ ♛ . . .♟ ♟ ♟ . . ♟ ♟ ♟♜ . . . ♚ . ♞ ♜i might have felt a little excited here, as if it wasn’t enough of an initiative press back for me to lose mine. i had three diagonal pieces threatening near their king (if i get my queen defended on one of those pawns it’s checkmate, it could do that in 2 moves despite my slip) and the knight they were threatening was distant from them.i used my queen’s side castle to threaten revealing with my bishop, my rook against their queen. this meant my bishop could effectively make two moves in a row if they couldn’t regain initiative rescuing their queen. [possible mistake]♖ . ♗ ♕ . ♖ ♔ .. ♙ ♙ . ♗ ♙ ♙ ♙♙ . ♘ . . ♘ . .. ♞ . . ♙ . ♝ .. . . . . . . .. . . ♝ ♛ . . .♟ ♟ ♟ . . ♟ ♟ ♟. . ♚ ♜ . . ♞ ♜notably i am now threatening taking their queen by moving the bishop to put them in check. this is another trick i learned from the puzzles.i am now very strongly in the advantage, but it involved layering approaches behind strong risks that can easily go poorly if one’s memory falters (which mine —- ); because i am threatening both their queen and their king and they are only threatening more minor pieces.maybe i’d like to play through this game more. i don’t usually pull this off and i think it’s because i run poor risks or lose track of them. maybe i could compare it to a losing game and see what’s different or something … [unsure :s some write mistake—-]i wonder if my finger slip put them in unwarranted ease or somethingso what happened is they moved their queen toward their king to protect it from my check-reveal. this let me fork it with their rook with my risked knight, and they then resigned the game in defeat, which let me realize how much advantage i had before i lost it in further mistakes maybe ;S♖ . ♗ . ♕ ♖ ♔ .. ♙ ♙ . ♗ ♙ ♙ ♙♙ . ♘ . . ♘ . .. ♞ . . ♙ . ♝ .. . . . . . . .. . . ♝ ♛ . . .♟ ♟ ♟ . . ♟ ♟ ♟. . ♚ ♜ . . ♞ ♜♖ . ♗ . ♕ ♖ ♔ .. ♙ ♞ . ♗ ♙ ♙ ♙♙ . ♘ . . ♘ . .. . . . ♙ . ♝ .. . . . . . . .. . . ♝ ♛ . . .♟ ♟ ♟ . . ♟ ♟ ♟. . ♚ ♜ . . ♞ ♜victory. my ranking was 1370 and theirs was 1686.i’m thinking one thing maybe i did here was open multiple aggressive avenues at once (not all of which i was aware of) and then stay flexible about which i pursued as they responded. having them open meant that i had multiple options for pressuring them, since i don’t know what they will do.i guess when my finger slipped with my queen it left them unsure of what avenues i was pursuing. if i had moved my queen all the way as i meant, what usually happens is they immediately fortify their king to prevent checkmate which would have made the reveal that trapped their queen via their king no longer work that way. instead they worked to address the other side of the board.they may have seen something my slip could do that i didn’t, that they were acting on.it’s noticeable that my rook and knight were working together to limit their queen. i don’t think imwas consciously aware of this at the time.doing puzzles with the dissociativ—anyway :)i’m inhibited against reviewing my own behavior so this was awesome to post :D it’s been many years since i’ve had a positive way to feed back around things and improve them.